When I finally reached out for help, it wasn’t the beginning of my journey. My story actually started a couple of years earlier, when I had a serious workplace incident that sent me into a level of distress I had never experienced before. My introduction to professional mental health support started when I was connected to a social worker who I worked with for a long time to unpack what happened at work. Through our work together, I slowly realized that some of my struggles were connected to things I experienced in childhood. I didn’t know it yet, but at the time, that was the start of me trying to understand myself in a deeper way.
During that period, things became overwhelming. My family doctor suspected a few conditions that could explain what I was going through, but she couldn’t diagnose me officially, and the social worker couldn’t either. I then began experiencing cognitive symptoms that were extremely alarming. I suddenly felt like I couldn’t follow conversations, I had trouble remembering, focusing, or processing simple things. It was really terrifying.
After struggling for a while, I started a medication trial with my GP. Some of what I was prescribed caused severe reactions, including suicidal thoughts, and that was when things spiraled. My support system at the time didn’t seem to hear the urgency of what I was experiencing, and I started to watch my symptoms worsen, which made it clear that I needed to change something.
Reaching a Breaking Point
I struggled for months, and I asked myself ‘should I be switching my social worker? Can I do that? Then I have to find someone brand new and I have to build trust and that’s so exhausting in itself.’
But when things kept declining, I knew, without change, it would only continue like this.
That’s when I started my search for a psychological assessment.
The Moment That Changed Things
Fast forward to when I got connected to a psychologist for an assessment and received my diagnosis. This was when I finally had something I hadn’t had in years: clarity. This process explained the reasons behind my symptoms, and even outlined workplace accommodations I could bring to my employer. That alone made me feel hopeful, like there was finally a path forward for me to get better. For the first time in years, I felt guided rather than lost.
Reconnecting With Myself and Others
One of the most powerful outcomes of this work has been finding a way to look past the pain I experienced in my childhood and develop the curiosity to see if I could form new connections with the family members who I had been distant from for decades.
I first reached out to my grandfather after more than 40 years, and was able to connect just before he passed away. I also reconnected with my brother, who was inspired to seek help after hearing my story. For me, knowing that my own healing encouraged someone else to begin their journey has been incredibly meaningful.
Learning I Am Safe
My experience with therapy has helped me understand why I spoke to myself the way I did. I never realized how much growing up in a negative home had shaped my beliefs. I carried guilt and shame without question and assumed everything was somehow my fault. Learning that it wasn’t, that none of what I lived through was on me, was a huge turning point. Learning this helped me treat myself with more compassion and I was finally letting go of a weight I didn’t know I’d been carrying for years.
Another powerful moment was realizing that I’m safe now. Even in a loving marriage of more than 20 years, my body still held old fear. Learning to ground myself and remind myself ‘I’m safe’ has brought a peace I didn’t think was possible.
Now, in my mid-forties, I’m figuring out who I am without the weight of my past. It’s scary and exciting, and for the first time, my future feels genuinely bright.
Choosing Courage and Finding Liberation
If I had to describe what this journey has felt like, the word would be liberation.
I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like a frightened version of myself, but therapy has helped me uncover a stronger, more authentic part of me that was always there.
I think often about the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz. He always had courage, he just didn’t know it. I feel the same way. That courage was in me all along, I just needed the right support to bring it forward.
I want people to know that there is hope. You may not find the right support right away. You may feel discouraged or overwhelmed. But there is help out there that can make you feel safe, understood, and hopeful again.
Sometimes all it takes is a small seed, a moment of curiosity, a story you relate to, or a tiny spark of belief to begin moving toward something better.