A team of psychologists, led by Dr. Jean-Charles Lebeau from Florida State University, explored how setbacks affect performance. Their study found that while experiencing failure can make people feel discouraged and less confident, it doesn’t actually harm how well they perform. In other words, feeling shaken by a setback doesn’t mean you’ll do worse next time.
These findings challenge the common belief that failure inevitably leads to more failure by lowering self-belief. The researchers discovered that although failure can affect confidence in the short term, it does not necessarily create a lasting pattern of poor performance.
Instead, the study highlights something hopeful: how we manage the emotions that come with obstacles can shape what happens next. Learning to navigate those feelings, rather than avoiding or denying them, may be a key part of personal growth and success in school, relationships, and daily life.
Before You Read: We understand that the information and strategies we share may not feel helpful for everyone. If you are in need of additional support or resources, please reach out to a professional, or connect with our team at contact@layla.care.
In this blog, we’ll cover:
Failure can be painful, and most of us have felt it. You study hard for an exam, invest in a relationship, or work toward a personal goal, only to fall short. The disappointment that follows can feel heavy, but it also shows how much you cared about the outcome.
The hopeful news is that these feelings do not mean you are less capable or less resilient. Research shows that while failure can briefly shake your confidence, it does not determine what comes next. In many cases, setbacks can become stepping stones toward growth and self-understanding.
Psychologists describe this process through control theory, which views failure as feedback rather than finality. The emotions that follow a setback can help your mind reset, guiding you to adjust and move forward. The goal is to acknowledge what you feel, learn from it, and let it inform your next step.
Recognizing a setback takes honesty and self-compassion. It can be uncomfortable to face what didn’t go as planned, but doing so is the first sign of resilience. Our minds naturally try to protect self-esteem, which can make it hard to say “I was wrong,” even when we know it might help us grow. Acknowledging this tendency with kindness can make that first step a little easier.
When reflecting, consider asking yourself:
1. What contributed to this outcome?
Notice what was within your control and what wasn’t. People often fall into the fundamental attribution error, by blaming themselves for situations that were shaped by external factors or by other people’s choices. Recognizing this helps you see the situation more accurately and direct your energy where it matters most.
2. Could I have done something differently?
Be curious rather than critical. Look for patterns and choices that may have influenced the result, while also considering the limits of what was possible. Staying curious instead of critical helps you learn from experience and approach future challenges with greater confidence.
After acknowledging a setback, the next step is to give yourself space to experience what you feel before moving into problem-solving. It’s common to want to analyze or correct things right away, but research shows that rushing into rationalization can interrupt genuine emotional processing and limit growth.
Emotions carry valuable information about your needs and expectations. When you allow yourself to feel them, without judgment or the need to reframe too quickly, you help your mind integrate the experience more effectively. The goal is not to remove discomfort but to understand it and use it as feedback.
When reflecting, notice if you fall into these common patterns:
1. “Should have, could have, would have” thinking
Replaying events and focusing on what might have gone differently can make you feel stuck. Shifting your attention to what is within your control helps you move forward.
2. Self-sabotaging
Telling yourself you were unlikely to succeed protects self-esteem in the short term but limits learning. Recognizing this mindset can help you regain a sense of control and motivation.
Allowing yourself a brief mental pause creates space for clarity. From there, you can engage with the situation more thoughtfully and take meaningful next steps.
Once you have allowed yourself to process the initial impact of failure, the next step is to engage more consciously with what you feel. People are often encouraged to respond to failure with logic and composure, yet research shows that acknowledging emotional pain with self-compassion is a key part of recovery. Allowing yourself to feel disappointment, frustration, or sadness does not make you weaker, it helps you process the experience and learn from it.
Here are two ways to work with your emotions after a setback:
1. Name what you are feeling
Identify the specific emotions that arise. Are you embarrassed, frustrated, discouraged, or angry? Research suggests that labeling emotions can make them easier to manage. Naming what you feel turns vague distress into something you can understand and work with.
2. Notice what the emotion is prompting you to do
Emotions often carry information about what matters to you and what you might need. Sadness might signal a wish for connection or support. Frustration might point to a desire for change. Paying attention to what an emotion is urging you to do helps transform it into useful guidance for your next steps.
Recognizing and understanding your emotions builds awareness and creates space for more intentional action. Once you have observed how your emotions are influencing you, the next step is to assess whether you feel ready to take action, or whether you may need more time to reflect and regroup.
Once you have acknowledged the setback, allowed yourself to experience the emotions that came with it, and reflected on what it means, the next step is to consider whether you feel ready to act.
Research led by psychologist Dr. Nico Frijda suggests that emotions, including difficult ones, can serve as tools that prepare the body and mind for action. However, not all emotions have the same effect. Some emotional states help energize and mobilize you, while others make you more likely to withdraw.
The circumplex model of emotion describes emotions along two dimensions:
For example, anger is a high-arousal negative emotion, while sadness tends to be lower in arousal. Research indicates that people are more likely to take action when they experience emotions with higher arousal, even when those emotions feel uncomfortable.
Here are some ways to assess your readiness for action:
1. Notice your physical and emotional state
Ask yourself questions such as:
Answering “yes” to these questions can suggest you are in a high-arousal state, which may support taking action. If not, it may help to gently re-engage with the situation in a way that increases energy and focus, such as reflecting on why the goal matters to you or discussing it with someone supportive.
2. Channel your energy into a plan
Once you feel ready, use that emotional momentum to create a concrete plan. Write down your next steps and focus on small, achievable actions. This process helps transform emotional energy into purposeful effort.
Keep in mind that strong emotions are meant to mobilize, not to linger. Once you have planned your next step, take time to reset so that you can move forward with clarity and balance.
Setbacks are part of being human. They can feel discouraging, but they do not define your potential or your ability to move forward. What matters most is how you respond. When approached with self-awareness and compassion, failure can become a foundation for resilience and personal growth.
The four steps below can help you move through setbacks with balance and purpose:
Resilience grows through self-reflection, emotional awareness, and intentional action. By meeting failure with curiosity rather than criticism, you give yourself the chance to learn, adapt, and strengthen your confidence over time.
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