The fear of missing out, or FOMO, can create uncomfortable emotions. It may appear as disappointment when you hear that friends spent time together, or as worry when choosing one meaningful activity over another. These feelings can make it harder to stay present and focused on what matters most.
FOMO is a common experience, and many people notice it in social situations, relationships, and daily routines.
In this blog, we look at practical ways to make FOMO feel more manageable. We’ll explore how to:
- Reconnect with your personal goals and values
- Make more balanced and compassionate comparisons between your life and the lives of others
- Respond to FOMO in ways that support your emotional well-being
- Notice the thinking patterns that contribute to FOMO, including social comparison, emotional cues, and how the mind evaluates the present and the future
Before You Read: We understand that the information and strategies we share may not feel helpful for everyone. If you are in need of additional support or resources, please reach out to a professional, or connect with our team at contact@layla.care.
The Cognitive Process Behind FOMO
The fear of missing out can be better understood by looking at how the mind evaluates goals. One useful way to think about this is through a framework called a cybernetic process mode, researched by Charles S. Carver University of Miami and Michael F. Scheier Carnegie-Mellon University (1982). In simple terms, the brain regularly checks whether your current situation matches what you hope for or expect. When it notices a difference, it is common to feel discomfort, which can motivate you to adjust your behaviour.
This process is often helpful. For instance, if you want to complete an assignment by a certain day and realize you are behind, the discomfort you feel may encourage you to focus more closely or seek support.
With FOMO, this same system can become less accurate. Two shifts often occur:
- Your goals can shift. Your attention may move away from what is personally meaningful toward what others appear to value.
- Your evaluation of your current situation can become less balanced. You may imagine that another activity would feel much better and underestimate what your current experience offers.
When these shifts occur together, it can feel as though you are in the wrong place or making the wrong choice, even when that may not be true.
The next section continues this exploration by considering how to remain grounded in what matters to you.
Staying Connected to Meaningful Goals
FOMO often appears when attention shifts away from your own priorities. What can help with FOMO is reconnecting with the goals that reflect your interests, values, and needs to create a steadier foundation for decision-making. But even if you set super clear goals, FOMO can still show up, and this is entirely normal.
Clarifying Personal Goals
People tend to feel more motivated and fulfilled when their goals align with:
- their underlying interests and values and,
- support fulfilment of their basic psychological needs for:
- autonomy (feeling that choices reflect who they are)
- competence (feeling capable and effective)
- relatedness (feeling connected to others)
It can help to reflect on your goals across different areas of life. When reflecting on your various goals, you might consider asking yourself:
- Which parts of life matter most to me right now? Examples can include school or work, friendships, family, personal growth, leisure, or health.
- Why do these areas matter? Do they reflect what you care about, or support feelings of autonomy, competence, or connection?
- What goals do I already hold in these areas?
- Do these goals genuinely reflect my values, or do they feel shaped by outside expectations?
This reflection can help you clarify the goals that feel personally meaningful and where there may be room to adjust.
Reducing the Pull of External Influences
Even when your goals feel clear, noticing what others are doing is a natural part of being human. Social media, conversations, and everyday interactions can all make other people’s plans appear more appealing than your own.
Awareness of these moments can help. You might notice when this tends to happen, such as when you scroll during a busy week or hear about others’ plans when you are already feeling stretched.
Adjustments to your environment can sometimes make these moments feel more manageable. This might mean turning off notifications, choosing a different workspace, or limiting access to certain apps when you are already feeling overwhelmed, or simply deleting social media apps so you don’t get tempted.
Some people also find it useful to prepare plans for moments when FOMO arises. This might include stepping away briefly, grounding yourself with a slow breath, or asking a reflective question such as, “What do I need right now?” or “What felt meaningful to me today?” These prompts are meant to support awareness, not pressure you toward any specific action.
Being Mindful of Social Comparison
Even when your personal goals feel clear, it’s still common to pay attention to what others are doing. This comes from a natural form of social learning, where people look to others for information about what might be worthwhile or safe to pursue. In many situations, this can be helpful. Observing others can offer clues about supportive communities, enjoyable activities, or meaningful opportunities. At the same time, the goals that guide someone else’s choices may not reflect your own values, interests, or needs. Keeping this in mind can help you stay connected to what matters most to you.
When you notice yourself being drawn toward someone else’s plans, it can help to pause and gently reflect. You might ask yourself:
- Why am I feeling pulled toward this option?
- Does this choice align with my values and priorities, or is the pull coming from comparison?
These questions are not meant to discourage you from joining others, but to help you make decisions that feel grounded in your own needs and goals.
Understanding Your Evaluation of the Present Moment
FOMO can feel especially strong when your mind imagines that another experience would have been more enjoyable or meaningful than the one you are having. This reaction is common, and there are a few mental habits that can make these feelings even more intense.
When Other Experiences Appear Better Than They Are
It is natural to assume that someone else’s experience might be more exciting or fulfilling. Two patterns often contribute to this:
1. Positive signalling
People tend to share the highlights of their lives and leave out the less enjoyable moments. This happens on social media and in everyday conversation.
For example: A photo might show the best part of an outing without showing the long wait, the tiredness at the end of the day, or the parts that felt ordinary. Because we often see only the appealing pieces, the whole experience can seem better than it actually was.
2. Idealizing from a distance
When we think about events from afar, the mind often focuses on the most appealing or memorable aspects and overlook the everyday or difficult parts.
For example: a similar occurrence is when someone's childhood memories can feel magical even if the day-to-day moments were quite ordinary. The same tendency can make others’ plans or outings seem more perfect than they likely were.
These patterns can lead to the sense that you missed something exceptional. If you notice this happening, you might gently ask yourself:
- Am I imagining only the positive aspects of this experience?
- What parts might I be overlooking, such as waiting, fatigue, cost, or emotional discomfort?
Sometimes it can help to imagine the experience step by step, including the more neutral or less comfortable moments. This can bring your thoughts back to a more grounded and realistic place.
When Your Own Experience Feels Less Valuable Than It Is
FOMO can also pull attention away from the present moment, making it harder to notice what is meaningful or enjoyable about your current experience. This is a common human response and not a sign that anything is wrong.
1. How to start noticing the positives about where you are
A brief moment of awareness can help you reconnect with your surroundings. Something that could help is focusing on the sounds you find calming, the warmth of something you are holding, or a small detail in your environment that brings comfort. These observations of your surroundings don’t necessarily erase FOMO, but they can help you feel a little more grounded in the present.
2. How to start considering long-term goals more fully
FOMO often becomes stronger when short-term experiences seem more rewarding than long-term ones. Psychologists sometimes call this delay discounting, where future benefits can feel distant or less meaningful simply because they are not immediate.
One gentle way to counter this is to imagine what it might feel like to reach a goal that matters to you. This could be finishing a course, having more balance in your routine, or strengthening a relationship. Imagining the future can help long-term goals feel more real and personally relevant.
Some people also find that spending time in nature supports this perspective. A short walk, noticing a tree outside your window, or even looking at images of natural environments can help widen your sense of what matters and ease the pull of immediate comparison.
Responding to FOMO With Supportive Action
There will be moments when you truly miss out on something that matters to you. It is natural for this to bring up discomfort. When your goals, needs, or expectations do not match your current experience, emotions like FOMO may arise. Rather than viewing this as a sign that you have done something wrong, it can sometimes help to explore what the feeling might be reflecting and whether there is a supportive way to respond.
This section explores three ideas:
- How to understand what your emotion may be signaling
- Tips for creating experiences that reflect your values and needs
- Supportive advice for how to start caring for yourself when difficult emotions arise
Exploring What Your Emotion Might Be Communicating
Emotions often bring our attention to something meaningful, although that meaning is not always immediately clear. FOMO can point to a desire for closeness, enjoyment, community, or balance. At other times, it may simply reflect a moment of comparison that does not require action.
You might pause and gently ask yourself:
- What emotion am I feeling right now? Is it disappointment, worry, envy, sadness, or a mix of feelings?
- Is this emotion highlighting something important to me, or is it coming from comparing myself to others?
- Is there a small adjustment that could support my well-being, or do I simply need to acknowledge the feeling as it passes?
There is no one “correct” interpretation. The goal is not to judge the emotion but to understand it in the context of your life and needs.
Creating Experiences Connected to Your Values
If an underlying need becomes clearer, you might explore experiences that feel aligned with your values and interests. Depending on your comfort and capacity, this might include reaching out to a friend, joining a class or group, spending time with grounding people, or reconnecting with a favourite hobby. These steps can be as small or gradual as they need to be.
Caring for Yourself When the Emotion Feels Heavy
Sometimes the situation cannot change, or the emotion remains. Options that some people find supportive include:
- spending time outdoors or noticing natural elements around them
- brief social contact, such as sending a message to someone they care about
- calming routines, like stretching, preparing a warm drink, or listening to music
- acts of social contribution, such as helping a neighbour or volunteering when able
- gently noticing moments of gratitude, whether small or significant
These approaches are not meant to eliminate FOMO. They are potential supports to help you stay more anchored during moments when FOMO feels most present.
Layla’s Takeaway Tips
FOMO can be an uncomfortable experience, especially when it makes your current situation feel less meaningful or when it pulls your attention toward what others seem to be doing. Understanding the cognitive and emotional processes behind FOMO can make it easier to respond with clarity rather than pressure.
This article explored how FOMO can arise when there is a mismatch between your goals, your evaluation of a situation, and your emotional response. By reconnecting with what matters to you, making more balanced comparisons, and caring for yourself during difficult moments, it becomes possible to navigate FOMO with greater steadiness and self-compassion.
Here are a few ideas you may find helpful as you reflect on your own experiences with FOMO:
- Reconnect with your personal goals. Noticing what matters to you, and why, can help anchor your choices. Goals that align with your interests, values, and needs often feel more stable and fulfilling.
- Be mindful of comparisons. It is common to idealize what others share or describe. Remember that the full picture of someone else’s experience is rarely visible from the outside.
- Notice what your emotion is communicating. Feelings of FOMO may point to needs for connection, enjoyment, belonging, or balance. Other times, the feeling may simply be part of comparing yourself to others.
- Consider meaningful alternatives when needed. If the feeling highlights something important, you might explore small ways to create experiences that support your interests and values.
- Support yourself through difficult moments. When the emotion feels heavy, grounding activities such as spending time outdoors, connecting with someone you trust, or engaging in simple comforting routines can help you feel more settled.
You can draw on these ideas whenever they feel helpful, especially during moments when FOMO feels challenging.
A Message from Layla
If you require any immediate support, please reach out to a professional, or click here to explore our crisis and community resources. If you’d like to inquire about finding mental health support that’s right for you, a member of our team is happy to assist you. You can email us at contact@layla.care for any inquiries, or complete our intake form to reach out to a member of our care team.
