Understanding Workplace Bias and Ways to Cope

Experiencing unfair treatment at work can be painful and draining, and sometimes it can feel connected to aspects of your identity or background. This can affect your sense of belonging, safety, and confidence. It’s important to know that you are not responsible for bias or discrimination, and at the same time, it can be helpful to have a few grounding strategies for getting through difficult moments and caring for yourself afterward.

In this blog, we’ll explore:

• common forms of bias that can show up at work
• coping patterns people may use when they feel targeted or treated unfairly
• options for responding in the moment in ways that support your well-being
• ways to decompress and recover after a stressful interaction

These ideas are offered as supportive options for people experiencing bias. These suggestions are not meant to replace workplace policies, HR processes, union guidance, legal advice, or even professional mental health support, especially if you feel unsafe or the behaviour is persistent.

Before You Read: We understand that the information and strategies we share may not feel helpful for everyone. If you are in need of additional support or resources, please reach out to a professional, or connect with our team at contact@layla.care.

1. Understanding subtle bias and why it can be hard to name

This section focuses on subtle and ambiguous forms of bias, which can be harder to identify and respond to than overt harassment or threats. If you are experiencing behaviour that feels unsafe, persistent, or clearly outside workplace policy, you may want additional support. Depending on your situation, that could include a trusted person, a manager, HR, a union representative, or another appropriate workplace resource.

Many forms of workplace bias show up in ways that are everyday, indirect, or easy for others to explain away. Because the experience can feel unclear, people often second-guess themselves afterward, replay the interaction, or wonder whether they interpreted it correctly. That response is common and does not mean you are being unreasonable. It reflects how the mind tries to make sense of uncertainty.

Even when bias is subtle, its impact can still be significant. Research suggests that repeated day-to-day experiences of discrimination, including sexism, heterosexism, and racial bias, can contribute to higher distress and lower well-being over time, especially when these experiences accumulate.

Benevolent bias and why it can feel confusing

One form of subtle bias is sometimes called benevolent prejudice. This can look supportive on the outside, but it might carry an assumption that someone is less capable because of their identity or background.

Examples of benevolent prejudice can include:

• withholding constructive feedback because someone is assumed to be “too sensitive”
• repeatedly checking in on whether someone can “handle” a task when it is not asked of others
• making assumptions about a person’s skills, such as their comfort with technology
  
  

These moments can be difficult to respond to because they are often framed as kindness, protection, or “helpfulness.” The person doing this may not intend harm on another person, and they may not be aware of the assumptions shaping their behaviour. Still, the impact can begin to build over time, especially if it affects things like access to feedback, stretch opportunities, or even how seriously someone’s work is taken.

Subtle bias and exclusion cues across identity

Subtle discrimination can also show up through avoidance or reduced warmth, such as less eye contact, more physical distance, shorter responses, or a noticeably different tone. People can experience these patterns differently depending on their identity, role, and workplace culture. For example, some racialized employees may describe feeling “othered” through repeated exclusion cues, and some women describe experiences of benevolent sexism, where comments or actions are framed as polite or protective, but still reduce autonomy or signal lower expectations.

No single cue confirms bias on its own. However, repeated patterns can leave someone feeling excluded, underestimated, or treated differently than others, even when nothing explicit is said.

Why subtle bias can feel so draining

A major part of the strain is the ambiguity. When an interaction is unclear, the mind often tries to “solve” it by replaying it. Psychologists call this rumination, or repeatedly thinking about a stressful experience. Rumination can use up attention and energy, and over time it can contribute to stress, anxiety, and difficulty focusing.

If any of this feels familiar, the next section offers a few coping options that someone can try during the moments this happens, along with ways to support yourself afterward.

2. Noticing your coping style

When someone experiences bias, they are not powerless. People often find ways to get through the moment, protect themselves, and decide what to do next, even when the situation feels complicated. Even if nothing is said out loud, what happens internally can shape stress levels, confidence, and someone's well-being over time.

When something feels threatening or unfair, two processes can show up:

• A stress response, which can be automatic
• A coping response, which includes the strategies you use to steady yourself and respond in a way that fits your situation
  
  

Stress responses can involve anxious feelings, physical tension, trouble concentrating, or feeling mentally foggy. These reactions are common and can be especially strong when the situation feels uncertain, high-stakes, or unsafe.

Coping refers to the ways people try to regulate thoughts, emotions, and behaviour during stressful events. There is no single or “right” coping style, in fact, many people use a mix, and what feels most supportive can depend on power dynamics, job security, and what feels safe.

A short reflection

If it feels okay, think of a workplace moment in the past six months that felt uncomfortable, unfair, or potentially biased. For example:

• feeling overlooked for an opportunity you expected to be considered for
• feeling treated differently by a manager or colleague
• hearing a joke or comment that felt disparaging
• being excluded from a social plan or group conversation

Now notice which statements feel closer to your usual response.

Set A (protecting yourself by stepping back)

• I try to move on quickly and keep going with my day.
• I tell myself it will pass.
• I keep my feelings private.
• I respond in ways that draw as little attention as possible.
• I focus on getting through what is in front of me.
  
  

Set B (protecting yourself by moving toward the issue)

• I hold my position and consider addressing what happened.
• I look for actions I can take to improve the situation.
• I think through options before deciding what to do.
  
  

If Set A fits more, you may lean toward a disengagement coping style, which can be a way of protecting yourself when a situation feels risky, draining, or hard to change. If Set B fits more, you may lean toward engagement coping style, which can be helpful when you have enough support and safety to respond more directly. Many people use both depending on the context.

Common coping approaches people use

Coping strategies are sometimes grouped into two broad categories:

• Problem-focused coping, which aims to change the situation when change feels possible
  
  
  
  • seeking support from trusted colleagues, mentors, or community
  • documenting patterns and clarifying expectations
  • addressing the behaviour directly when it feels safe to do so
  • joining with others to advocate for changes in policies or culture
    
    
• Emotion-focused coping, which aims to reduce distress and protect well-being, especially when the situation is not easily changed
  
  
  
  • reminding yourself that unfair treatment reflects bias, not your worth
  • connecting with people who understand your experience
  • grounding strategies that help your body settle so you can think more clearly
    
    

No one approach is best in every case. The most supportive response often depends on what happened, what feels safe, and what resources are available to you.

3. Finding a response that fits the situation

Engagement coping mechanisms are linked with more positive outcomes, compared to disengagement (avoidant) strategies.

For example, among male managers, disengagement coping mechanisms are associated with workplace stressors and engagement coping mechanisms are associated with an increase in job satisfaction over time.

Engagement strategies broadly involve problem solving and emotional expression. 

Next, we will walk you through how to enact engagement strategies.

If you discover you are more likely to use avoidant coping mechanisms in Section 2, try following these steps next time you experience a threatening situation.

Step 1. Appraise the situation as in your control.

• You will either appraise a threatening situation as either in your control or not in your control. If you perceive the situation as outside of your control you are more likely to engage in avoidant (disengagement) coping strategies and more likely to adopt engagement coping strategies if you perceive it as within your control.

Step 2. Accept the emotions you are experiencing.

• If you feel angry, then accept that you are angry. If you are anxious, then acknowledge your anxiety in the moment. Even try saying what the emotions you are feeling are out loud to yourself. Pretending you are not experiencing emotions or frustrations does not help and could make the situation worse.
• Wait until your level of emotional activation has decreased before you move on to Step 3. Remember heightened states of arousal don’t last forever. Try focusing on your breathing or feeling how your feet touch the ground or put your hands on your desk and notice that sensation.

Step 3. Make a plan.

• Spend time evaluating the situation and each of your options.
• Try writing about the situation or simulating hypothetical situations in your head. 
• Thoroughly evaluate each potential plan of action and the potential consequences.

Step 4. Try collective coping mechanisms.

• You are not in this alone. Seek someone who you can go to for advice.
• Turn to a friend outside of work to vent to.
• Seek out other people in the workplace who share the same identity as you and discuss the issue. Collective action is also a very effective way to facilitate change.

Step 5. Now apply the solution you picked after going through Steps 1-4 to the situation.

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4. Finding steadiness after a difficult interaction

After a threatening or prejudicial experience at work, it’s understandable to feel a bit activated, upset, or drained. These moments can affect both mental and physical well-being, especially when they happen repeatedly. When you make space to decompress it’s not indulgent, it can be a helpful way to help your nervous system settle and support recovery.

Here are a few options that some people find helpful:

Option 1. Help your body come back down

You might try a brief grounding practice, such as:

• taking a few slower breaths
• noticing your feet on the floor or your back against a chair
• scanning for physical sensations like tightness, warmth, or fatigue and allowing them to soften over time

If your mind is busy, you do not need to force it to go quiet. The goal is to give your body a signal of steadiness.

Option 2. Look for one steadying thought

Some people find it helpful to name one thing that feels supportive or clarifying, even if the situation was unfair. This is not about finding a silver lining or minimizing what happened. It might be as simple as: “That crossed a line for me,” “I got through a hard moment,” or “I know what support I need next.”

Option 3. Do something that helps you settle or recharge

Choose an activity that supports relaxation or a sense of ease. This might include:

• moving your body in a way that feels good, like a walk or a sport
• listening to music or a podcast
• cooking, drawing, or another hands-on activity
• taking a warm shower or bath
• calling or texting someone you trust
  
  

When your mind keeps replaying the moment

It is common to replay a painful interaction. Psychologists call this rumination, and it can increase stress and make it harder to concentrate. If you notice you are stuck in a loop, try returning to one of the options above, even if it’s for a brief moment. The aim here is to not erase the thought, but to give your mind and body a different anchor so the moment has less control over your attention.

Layla’s Takeaway Tips

We want to emphasize that no one is responsible for another person’s prejudice, and bias can be exhausting to navigate. Coping options can help protect well-being and support decisions that fit your role, your safety, and your capacity.

Here are a few ideas to carry forward:

• Name what you are noticing. Subtle bias can be hard to identify because it is often ambiguous or framed as “helpfulness.” Learning common patterns, including benevolent bias and exclusion cues, can make the experience easier to recognize and describe.
  
  
• Notice your coping style without judging it. Some people respond by stepping back to protect themselves, while others move toward the issue more directly. Many people use both depending on the situation and the risks involved.
  
  
• If you choose to respond, consider options that fit the context. This might include grounding first, thinking through what is within your influence, documenting what happened, seeking support, or taking a step toward clarity. Direct action is not always the safest or most realistic option, and it can be okay to take time.
  
  
• Make room to decompress. Stress can linger after a difficult interaction. Decompression can include grounding your body, doing something that helps you settle, and gently shifting attention when your mind gets stuck replaying the moment.
  
  

If bias at work is persistent, escalating, or affecting your sense of safety, it may help to reach out for additional support through workplace channels or professional support.

A Message from Layla

If you require any immediate support, please reach out to a professional, or click here to explore our crisis and community resources. If you’d like to inquire about finding mental health support that’s right for you, a member of our team is happy to assist you. You can email us at contact@layla.care for any inquiries, or complete our intake form to reach out to a member of our care team.