If you've ever wondered why some conversations feel easy and connected while others feel awkward or tense, body language may play a bigger role than you think.
In this article, you'll learn:
- what body language and nonverbal communication often mean
- how eye contact can influence connection and trust
- why facial expressions affect communication
- how breathing patterns impact stress and social interactions
- what posture and gestures may communicate to others
- practical ways to improve communication without changing your personality
- why nervous system regulation matters more than "appearing confident"
Before You Read: We understand that the information and strategies we share may not feel helpful for everyone. If you are in need of additional support or resources, please reach out to a professional or connect with our team at contact@layla.care.
Whether you're in a job interview, on a first date, navigating workplace meetings, or trying to build stronger friendships, communication is about more than just words. The way we use eye contact, facial expressions, posture, gestures, and even breathing patterns can influence how others experience our interactions with them and it’s often separate from what we’re even saying.
This article combines research-informed insights on communication behaviours like facial expressions, eye contact, posture, gestures, and breathing and shares practical tips and tools that may help conversations feel more natural, grounded, and connected.
Why Nonverbal Communication Matters
Humans are highly social and we are very good at gathering information even before processing someone's words. Some things people tend to scan for, whether consciously or unconsciously are:
- facial expressions
- tone of voice
- posture
- movement
- physical distance
- eye contact
- gestures
This process of ‘scanning’ happens quickly and often becomes automatic.
Communication research, including a 2021 study by Burgoon, Wang, Chen, Pentland, and Dunbar, suggests that people use nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, posture, and vocal tone to interpret relational signals like trust, dominance, and composure. The research does not suggest that every movement has hidden meaning, but it does refer to physical presence and nonverbal behavior as an influence on how interactions are perceived and experienced.
Nonverbal communication matters because people naturally use non-verbal cues to interpret trust, engagement, and emotional presence during conversation. These signals aren’t definitive proof of someone’s thoughts or intentions, but they can shape how safe, connected, and understood people may feel in an interaction.
Eye Contact: Creating Presence Without Pressure
Eye contact is one of the most recognizable forms of nonverbal communication, and something most people have heard about when learning how to become better communicators. In many contexts, it helps communicate attention, interest and connection.
But there’s a balance. For example, too little eye contact may make someone seem distracted or disengaged, while overly intense eye contact can feel uncomfortable or confrontational.
In most natural conversations, people alternate between direct eye contact and brief moments of looking away while thinking or speaking. With practice, eye contact is supposed to feel natural, not forced. At first it might feel uncomfortable, which is normal, but with practice, it’s likely that this is something you’ll start to do without thinking about.
A practical approach
Rather than trying to “hold” eye contact, aim for:
- brief periods of connection
- natural breaks while thinking
- returning attention back to the person
Researchers Abney, Dale, and colleagues (2021) describe “shared attention” as a common social process where people briefly shift toward the same object, activity, or part of the environment during interaction. In reality, this can look like momentarily looking at a menu or commenting on a shared experience before reconnecting with the other person again.
Their research suggests that the practice of shared attention can help interactions feel more natural and collaborative by reducing social intensity and creating a sense of mutual engagement, instead of placing constant focus directly on the individuals involved.
Facial Expressions: Small Signals That Shape Connection
People are often highly sensitive to facial expressions, even subtle ones, because facial cues can influence how we interpret someone’s emotional response during a conversation. A relaxed face, slight smile, or responsive expression may help an interaction feel warmer, safer, or more emotionally attuned. On the other hand, expressions that feel exaggerated or disconnected from the moment can sometimes come across as less natural or harder to read.
Researchers Girard, Shandar, Liu, Cohn, Yin, and Morency (2019) explored how people perceive smiles and facial expressions. They explain that people often associate a “real” smile with both the mouth and small movements around the eyes. At the same time, their research suggests that facial expressions are more complex than any one specific cue.
A helpful takeaway is not to focus too much on trying to “look happy” or “look confident.” Instead, it may feel more natural to stay engaged in the conversation and allow expressions to respond naturally to the moment. Often, authentic expressions follow more easily when someone is focused on connection rather than performance.
Using Breathing and Nervous System Regulation to Support Improved Connections
Body language isn’t only about movement in your body, it’s also connected to the nervous system and how it’s regulated. When people feel anxious, overwhelmed, or overstimulated, breathing patterns often change, becoming faster and shallower in some cases. This can influence tone of voice, pacing, facial tension, eye-contact and posture.
Before difficult or high-pressure conversations, It might be helpful to try:
- taking a few slower breaths
- softening tension in the jaw or shoulders
- pausing before responding
- slowing your exhale slightly
- breathing through the nose if comfortable
These strategies aren’t cures for anxiety, but they may help create a greater sense of steadiness in the moment.
Posture: Why Openness Can Be Better Than Over Performance
Posture can influence how approachable or engaged someone appears. This can be an important cue for someone who might be deciding if they’d like to approach you for a conversation or not. For example, think about a time when you were at a wedding, or work social. If you were someone who had open posture, it would be more likely for a stranger to spark a conversation with you than if you were crossing your arms and looking down.
So, if you’re looking to improve your posture for better communication, remember that it’s less about standing perfectly straight and more about avoiding signals of tension or disconnection that may make you appear more closed off.
For example:
- tightly crossed arms may sometimes appear closed off
- turning your body away from someone can suggest disengagement
- leaning slightly forward while listening may communicate attention
- maintaining reasonable personal space can help interactions feel comfortable
Research on social communication and emotional expression, including work by Girard and colleagues (2013), suggests that people often feel more at ease when others appear physically relaxed and emotionally regulated.
Physical Gestures: How Moving Your Hands Can Actually Support What You’re Saying
Gestures are a natural part of human communication, and some people tend to use them more than others. In most cases, people will use their hands while explaining ideas, describing movement, emphasizing emotion, or organizing thoughts aloud.
Research on gesture and communication, including work by Macedonia and colleagues (2020), suggests that gestures may support both thinking and communication by helping speakers organize information and helping listeners better follow what is being expressed.
Helpful gesture habits
- keep gestures relaxed and moderate
- let movements naturally match your words
- avoid constant repetitive movements
- keep most gestures around torso level
- pause movement occasionally instead of gesturing continuously
These movements often feel most effective when they happen naturally rather than mechanically.
You Don’t Need to Become More Extroverted to be a Better Communicator
A common misconception is that good communicators are always highly expressive, outgoing, or charismatic. In reality, effective communication styles vary widely. Quiet and subtle communication can be just as effective as communication that is louder or more obvious. This means introverted people shouldn’t feel the need to force high-energy communication styles in order to connect with others if that’s not natural for them. And on the flip side, extroverted people don’t need to suppress their natural expressiveness. Communication often feels strongest when it aligns with someone’s actual personality.
Small Changes That Can Make Conversations Feel Easier
If you are looking to experiment with improving nonverbal communication, it’s helpful to start with small, realistic adjustments and grow from there. These can include:
- make slightly more eye contact than usual
- notice your breathing during stressful conversations
- soften tension in your shoulders or jaw
- lean in slightly while listening
- allow yourself to pause before responding
- use natural hand gestures while explaining ideas
- focus more on connection than performance
And remember, effective communication is not about becoming the loudest or most charismatic person in the room. Often, communication feels strongest when someone makes small adjustments that help them feel more present, aware, and connected to the conversation and the people around them, while still feeling authentic and natural to who they are.
Our Final Thoughts
For many people, communication can start to feel more high-pressure during seasons of life that involve meeting new people, building relationships, dating, networking, or navigating workplace expectations. Add in social media and video calls, and it can be easy to feel like every interaction is being noticed, judged, or replayed afterward.
But effective communication is rarely about getting every word, gesture, or expression exactly right. More often than not, the way someone can improve how they communicate is by staying present, responding with care, and expressing themselves in a way that feels authentic. And when a conversation doesn’t go the way it’s hoped, that doesn’t mean it’s failed, it means we’re all human and moments like these are shared experiences.
A Message from Layla
If you require any immediate support, please reach out to a professional, or click here to explore our crisis and community resources. If you’d like to inquire about finding mental health support that’s right for you, a member of our team is happy to assist you. You can email us at contact@layla.care for any inquiries, or complete our intake form to reach out to a member of our care team.
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