How to Know if a Therapist is a Good Fit for You

Takeaway: How do I know if my therapist is the right fit?

There isn’t one sign that tells you a therapist is the right fit. Instead, it’s helpful to consider several aspects of the therapeutic relationship.

You might ask yourself: 

• Do I feel emotionally safe and respected?
• Do my goals and my therapist’s approach feel aligned?
• Does their communication style work for me?
• Does their availability fit both my schedule and the recommended pace of therapy?
• Can I imagine building a trusting therapeutic relationship over time?

This blog covers what you might want to consider when determining fit with your therapist, including following our RAPPORT model.

Therapist-client fit is one of the strongest predictors of successful therapy. In therapy, we often talk about building rapport, but what does that really mean? The American Psychological Association defines rapport as “a warm, relaxed relationship of mutual understanding, acceptance, and sympathetic compatibility between or among individuals" [1].

‍

At Layla Care, we use a framework called RAPPORT, both to help match clients to a therapist who fits, and to help you evaluate that fit for yourself as therapy begins.

• R - Relationship: The trust and safety at the core of the therapeutic bond
• A - Availability: Scheduling that supports consistency
• P - Practice: Session structure and areas of focus
• P - Personality: Natural rapport and communication style
• O - Overlap: Shared experience or identity between client and therapist
• R - Rapport-building: How connection develops over time
• T - Therapeutic Modality: The specific techniques and approach used

‍

Firstly, why does therapist fit matter?

The relationship you build with your therapist has a meaningful impact on your experience of therapy. While a therapist's education, training, and clinical expertise are important, feeling understood, respected, and able to work together toward your goals can make it easier to engage in the therapeutic process. The therapeutic relationship, also known as the therapeutic alliance, is one of the strongest, most consistent predictors of how well therapy works, regardless of the specific approach used [2].

In psychotherapy, this relationship is known as the therapeutic alliance. It refers to the trust, collaboration, and shared understanding that develop between you and your therapist over time. 

‍

R - Relationship: The role of the therapeutic relationship 

The relationship you build with your therapist is at the heart of effective therapy. While a consultation or first session can give you a sense of a therapist's style and approach, it's usually not enough time to know whether they're a good fit. The first few sessions often give you a clearer sense of whether the relationship feels like a good fit.

As you continue working together, consider questions such as:

• Have you discussed your goals? A shared understanding of what you hope to work on creates a stronger foundation for therapy, even if those goals evolve over time.
• Do your goals and your therapist's approach feel aligned? Feeling like you're working toward the same objectives can help therapy feel more collaborative and purposeful.
• Do you feel emotionally safe and respected? You don't have to be ready to share everything right away. What matters is whether you feel listened to, respected, and able to move at a pace that feels manageable for you.

If something doesn't feel quite right, it's worth bringing it up with your therapist. Open conversations about what's working, what's feeling challenging, or what you need more of can strengthen the therapeutic relationship and help therapy better meet your needs. At Layla Care, clients can also share these early impressions with their care coordinator, who can help support the process if additional guidance or a different therapist may be a better fit.

‍

A - Availability: Finding a therapist whose availability works for you

Finding a therapist whose availability works with your life can make it easier to stay consistent with therapy. It's worth considering whether their schedule fits realistically into your routine and can support the timing and frequency of sessions that work best for you, and whether that is through virtual or in-person sessions.

Think about what will work for you in practice, while virtual sessions may be more convenient for some, others prefer in-person sessions for the dedicated therapeutic space and separation from their home.

Availability isn't just about the first appointment. It's also about whether your therapist's schedule can support the frequency and timing of sessions that work best for you.

Choosing a therapist whose availability fits your routine and counselling needs can make it easier to stay engaged in therapy and get the most out of the process.

‍

P - Practice: Understanding therapist practice and style

Not all therapists practise the same way. Every therapist brings their own style, training, and experience into the counselling room. When therapy doesn't feel like a good fit, it's easy to wonder whether therapy simply isn't for you. More often, it reflects a mismatch between you and that therapist's approach rather than therapy itself.

While all therapists share core counselling skills, the way they structure sessions, communicate, and support clients can look quite different. Finding a therapist whose approach aligns with what you need can help you feel more engaged and supported throughout the counselling process.

Therapists may differ in several key areas:

• Session structure: Some therapists use a more structured format, with agreed-upon goals and a clear framework for sessions, while others take a more exploratory approach that allows conversations to develop more organically. In either case, therapists remain responsive to what's happening in your life while working toward your overall counselling goals.
• Areas of focus and training: While most therapists can support a range of concerns, many have additional training or experience in specific areas. Choosing a therapist whose expertise aligns with the reason you're seeking counselling can contribute to a stronger fit.
• Therapeutic style and approach: A therapist's style reflects how they typically work with clients. It's shaped by their personality, training, and professional experience, which can influence how they guide conversations and support change [3]. Some therapists spend more time helping you explore thoughts, emotions, and patterns, while others incorporate practical strategies, skill-building exercises, or worksheets alongside reflective conversations.

The way a therapist works can influence how comfortable, understood, and engaged you feel in therapy. An approach that feels helpful for one person may not feel as natural or effective for someone else, and that's a normal part of finding the right fit.

You don't need to have all the answers before starting therapy. Therapists are usually happy to explain their approach, how they structure sessions, and what therapy with them might look like. It's equally important to share what helps you feel supported. Most therapists can adapt aspects of their approach, but they can only do so if they understand what's working well and what isn't.

If you're unsure what kind of approach would suit you best, that's completely normal. You don't need to have it figured out before you begin. Many people gain a clearer sense of what works for them through the process of therapy itself. If, after giving the relationship time to develop, it doesn't feel like a good fit, discussing your experience with your therapist or exploring another option can be a reasonable next step.

Therapists in the Layla Care community describe their therapeutic style, approach, and areas of focus in their profiles, helping you begin assessing fit before your first session.

‍

P - Personality: The role of a therapist’s personality

A therapist is, first and foremost, a person. While they work within a professional role, their personality and way of relating naturally shape the therapeutic experience. Just as we connect differently with different people in everyday life, the same can be true in therapy.

This is one reason why a consultation or first session can be valuable. It gives you an opportunity to get a sense of how the therapist communicates and whether their personality feels like a good fit for you. You don't need an instant connection, but it can be helpful to notice whether you feel comfortable enough to begin working together.

A therapist's personality and their ability to build a meaningful connection can influence the overall experience of therapy, including how effectively challenges or moments of tension are navigated [4].

Because therapy involves discussing personal and often vulnerable experiences, it helps to work with someone you feel comfortable opening up to. If, after giving the relationship time to develop, you consistently feel disconnected or find it difficult to build trust, it may be worth discussing your experience with your therapist or considering whether working with someone else would better support your needs. Feeling comfortable with your therapist can make it easier to engage openly in therapy and work through difficult conversations together [4].

Therapists in the Layla Care community provide a short introduction on their profiles, giving you an opportunity to get a sense of their personality before your first session.

‍

O - Overlap: Understanding overlap between you and your therapist

Shared experiences or aspects of identity can foster a sense of understanding and connection. While it's not necessary for you and your therapist to have lived through the same experiences, some people find it easier to open up when they feel there is overlap in important parts of their lives. This might include similarities in culture, language, gender, age, or significant life experiences, such as being a parent.

Shared experiences or aspects of identity don't guarantee that your therapist will fully understand your perspective, and people with different backgrounds can build strong therapeutic relationships. However, for individuals who feel isolated or hesitant to be vulnerable, a sense of relatability or shared understanding may help establish trust and support the development of a strong therapeutic alliance [5].

Some therapists in the Layla Care community choose to share aspects of their identity, background, or lived experience in their profiles. When available, this information can help you consider whether a sense of overlap feels important to you as you look for a therapist.

‍

R - Rapport: Building rapport with your therapist

Rapport is the sense of connection and mutual understanding that develops between you and your therapist over time. While shared experiences or aspects of identity may help some people feel understood more quickly, rapport can also grow through feeling heard, respected, and supported as you move through therapy together.

Building rapport doesn't mean every session feels comfortable or that you always agree. Therapy often involves discussing difficult topics, and moments of discomfort or misunderstanding can be part of the process. What matters is whether you and your therapist can openly work through those moments together.

If, after giving the relationship time to develop, you continue to feel disconnected or find it difficult to build trust, it may be worth discussing your experience with your therapist. These conversations can often strengthen rapport and help you both better understand what you need from the therapeutic relationship.

If you're unsure whether a therapist is the right fit, the Layla Care team can discuss your experience with you, help you think through your options, and support you if you decide you'd like to explore another therapist.

‍

T - Therapeutic modalities: Understanding different therapeutic modalities and how they align with you

Therapeutic modalities are the evidence-based approaches that guide how a therapist helps you understand and work through challenges. Some therapists primarily use one modality, while others integrate several depending on your needs and goals. Common modalities include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and internal family systems (IFS).

No single modality is the right choice for everyone, and different approaches may be more helpful depending on your concerns, preferences, and counselling goals.The therapeutic modality your therapist uses can influence what sessions feel like. For example, some approaches focus on identifying patterns in your thoughts and behaviours, while others place greater emphasis on exploring emotions, relationships, or past experiences.

Therapists in the Layla Care community describe the therapeutic modalities they use to us, giving our care coordinators the ability to evaluate how they would fit with your goals and preferences while determining your therapeutic match. As well, it may be helpful to ask your therapist about the modalities they use, why they believe those approaches may be a good fit for you, and what you can expect as therapy progresses. 

‍

Putting RAPPORT into practice

Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. Like any meaningful relationship, a strong therapeutic fit often takes time to recognize and develop. While first impressions matter, it may take a few sessions to understand whether a therapist's personality, approach, and way of working feel right for you.

The RAPPORT framework isn't about finding a perfect therapist. It's a way of thinking about the factors that can shape your experience in therapy, from the therapeutic relationship and rapport to practical considerations like availability and therapeutic approach.

If you're looking for support in finding a therapist in Canada, Layla Care's matching process is designed to consider these factors from the very beginning. And if your needs change along the way, our team is here to help you think through your options and continue finding the support that's right for you.

‍

Frequently asked questions

‍How do I know if my therapist is the right fit for me?

There is no one indicator that a therapist is the right fit for you, it is a personal decision. However, there are a combination of factors that usually play a role: feeling emotionally safe with them (which often takes some time to build), reaching alignment and understanding on your goals, a communication style that works for you, availability that fits your life, and a sense that trust can be built over time. Layla Care uses the RAPPORT framework to organize these factors to help match you with a therapist and help you evaluate fit.

How long does it take to know if a therapist is a good fit?

A first session can give you a sense of their communication style and approach, but it’s usually not enough time to be able to tell. Most people get a clearer picture after the first few sessions, and for some it may take longer to feel emotionally safe and comfortable to be more open.

What if I don’t feel connected to my therapist?

If you consistently feel disconnected from your therapist after giving the relationship a few sessions to develop, it’s worth discussing directly with your therapist as these conversations can often illuminate areas worth exploring and strengthen the therapeutic relationship. If it becomes clearer that you would like to explore another therapist, Layla Care’s care coordinators can help discuss this with you and help match you with someone new.

Do I need to share the same background as my therapist?

You do not need to share the same identity or experience for a strong therapeutic relationship, however for some people this is important  and they may find it easier to open up when there is overlap in your culture, identity, or beliefs. If this is important for you, you can mention it to your care coordinator during your matching call with Layla, and they can help choose a therapist who aligns with you in these areas.

‍

────────────

Need support finding the right therapist?

If you require immediate support, please reach out to a mental health professional, or click here to explore our crisis and community resources.

If you’re looking for support on finding a therapist that’s right for you, a member of the Layla Care team is happy to assist. You can email us at contact@layla.care with any questions or complete our intake form to connect with a member of our care team.

────────────

References and external links

[1] American Psychological Association. (n.d.). APA dictionary of psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/rapport

[2] Opland, C., & Torrico, T. J. (2024, October 6). Psychotherapy and Therapeutic Relationship. National Library of Medicine; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608012/

[3] Zhou, S., Hou, Y., Liu, D., Xu, D., & Zhang, X. (2021). Psychotherapy style scale: Development and validation. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.543989

[4] Tschuschke, V., Koemeda-Lutz, M., von Wyl, A., Crameri, A., & Schulthess, P. (2021). The impact of clients' and therapists' characteristics on therapeutic alliance and outcome. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 52, 145–154. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-021-09527-2

[5] Cruwys, T., Lee, G. C., Robertson, A. M., Haslam, C., Sterling, N., Platow, M. J., Williams, E., Haslam, S. A., & Walter, Z. C. (2023). Therapists who foster social identification build stronger therapeutic working alliance and have better client outcomes. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 124. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.comppsych.2023.152394

‍