Therapy is a collaborative effort between a client and a therapist. This relationship unfolds differently for everyone and there is no single way to do it. Understanding what tends to support that process, and what can get in the way of it, often makes it easier to stay engaged with the work over time. These are not rules to follow but a way to pay attention to what is happening in the room and within yourself.
The importance of the therapeutic relationship
The relationship between you and your therapist, called the therapeutic alliance, is shown to be one of the strongest, most consistent predictors of how well therapy works [1]. It is the feeling of being supported, understood, respected, and safe that is such a meaningful part of the work.
This is part of why thoughtful therapist matching matters so much to us at Layla. If you are curious what fit looks like in practice, our guide on assessing therapist-client fit goes deeper.
Because this relationship carries so much of what makes therapy effective, it is worth understanding what tends to strengthen it.
What supports the therapeutic relationship, and why
Since the therapeutic relationship is such a strong predictor of how well therapy works, it helps to know what strengthens it, and how self-judgement can get in the way of building a trusting, genuine relationship.
- Being open and honest. Sharing your thoughts and feelings openly, even when it feels hard or messy, gives your therapist a fuller picture of what you are working through. You might feel like it is considerate to soften what you share or leave something out because you are trying to protect your therapist’s feelings, however, they are there to help you and that honesty allows them to understand and support you better.
- Engaging in collaborative sessions. Your therapist can bring structure and guidance to your sessions, but that does not mean you are just along for the ride. Asking questions about pace, direction, or naming when something is not landing, gives your therapist information they cannot get any other way, and allows you to build a relationship to support you better.
- Integration of insights into daily life. Applying what comes up in a session to your daily life, whether that is trying something new or taking a beat to simply notice an old pattern, is part of what allows therapy to create change outside of the room. Some people like to bring those observations back into the next session, but practicing or sitting with something on your own is just as meaningful, whether or not you talk about it afterward.
- Setting aside comparison. It is easy to start measuring your own effort or pace against an idea of what a "good" client looks like or how fast you should see progress, but that pressure can work against the openness and trust the relationship relies on. It can help to simply notice this pattern or urge, or to bring it up with your therapist to understand it more deeply.
- Reflecting on goals, and letting them shift. Working with your therapist to identify what you want to focus on guides your sessions and where therapy goes. That focus is allowed to shift as you learn more about yourself, and sharing when your mind is changing allows you to work together instead of drift in different directions. Some people begin without a clear goal at all, perhaps just wanting to understand themselves more deeply, and that is enough to start with.
Two practical habits that help support the work
- Jotting things down. For some people, it helps to write notes before, during, or after sessions. This can support keeping track of what you want to focus on, what was covered, or to reflect afterward to solidify insights. Writing down thoughts or questions can make your sessions feel more concrete, even if they are not organized or shared with your therapist during sessions.
- Taking a few minutes before a session. Pausing beforehand to notice what is actually on your mind and gathering your thoughts can help you clarify if there is anything specific you want to bring in. This is not about needing to arrive with a clear agenda, rather to practice tuning in to what is going on internally.
Take the time you need
None of this is about getting it perfectly right. If anything, it is a reminder that there is no perfect, right way to do therapy. This includes the habits listed above, jotting notes and pausing, which are worth trying, keeping whatever works for you. Trust takes time to build in any relationship, and building rapport with your therapist is no different. Being open and honest does not mean sharing something before you are ready. It means being truthful with yourself and naming that discomfort with your therapist when it comes up.
Noticing what feels supportive is part of building that relationship together. Sometimes that means a conversation with your therapist. Sometimes it means recognizing that a different therapist might be a better fit.
Frequently Asked Questions:
How do I get the most out of therapy?
There is no one way, but a few things tend to help: being open with your therapist, staying engaged with your goals as they shift, sharing feedback, and giving the process time.
Is progress in therapy supposed to be slow?
Therapy can sometimes feel slow, and there is no set pace since everyone's process looks different. If the pace does not match what you expected or hoped for, that is worth bringing up with your therapist rather than something to manage on your own.
What if I do not feel comfortable with my therapist?
That is worth paying attention to. The relationship between you and your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of how well therapy works, and feeling at ease with them matters. Finding a new therapist is not giving up; it is part of finding what works for you. If you are matched through Layla, your care coordinator can help you explore other options.
How often should I go to therapy?
There is no single right frequency. Many people start with more frequent sessions to address immediate concerns, then space them out as they meet their goals, while others keep a consistent cadence long-term depending on what they are working through. Consistency matters more than any specific schedule.
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Finding the right support
If you require any immediate support, please reach out to a professional, or click here to explore our crisis and community resources. If you’d like to inquire about finding mental health support that’s right for you, a member of our team is happy to assist you. You can email us at contact@layla.care for any inquiries, or complete our intake form to reach out to a member of our care team.
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References and external links
[1] Opland, C., & Torrico, T. J. (2024, October 6). Psychotherapy and Therapeutic Relationship. National Library of Medicine; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608012/
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